Act upon it!

I have met a handful of misogynists and plenty of feminists. Each one is entitled to fight and speak up and believe in whatever they strongly feel for. Its only recently that I am genned how incessant the problem of harassment is. It shatters the illusion of equality that we all so proudly live by. The world or the people are not going to fight for the injustice you have suffered. The country where I come from, we are blamed for the rape and expected to summon ourselves to the one with the ruthless dick, as that would increase our chances of being thrown away before we take our last breath. Brutal and harsh, isn’t it?

I could put up a facebook status and proclaim those day-to-day agonizing moments of distress and anxiety but wasn’t a worldwide news of so many rape victims in my own country enough to make people realise the seriousness of the matter?

At a young age, before I even knew there was a term for such an act, I experienced a glimpse of it. It shook me completely to the core when I realised what exactly I was a victim of. It’s not just me but  many more who have gone through something this bad and worse. In the light of this, the catcalling and eve teasing which happens everyday when we step out of our homes, seem normal. Being stared at or touched inappropriately by strangers isn’t traumatizing anymore but just disturbing. See what we have settled for?

This small attempt of making people aware of the prevailing harassment, is praiseworthy, but we have to do a lot more. The mentality of a person who doesn’t respect other’s boundaries or space wont change by reading a few statuses or tweets. Act upon it. Make them realise it’s NOT okay. Scream and shout, retaliate every time! Don’t just speak about it, act upon it!

I am loved and so are you.

It’s moments of pure emptiness that I feel his comfort the strongest.

Life is such an unpredictable story. You never know how one chapter is going to end and what is to come next.

There are seasons of pain, seasons of loss and seasons of fruitfulness and blessings. I trust that and live through each season of life holding on to His words. Some of the toughest decisions that I’ve had to take in the past made me realise how unforeseen the outcomes of our decisions and deeds can be. We try thinking through our every actions and decision and keeping ourselves in check, by the set standard we have for ourselves. But, its not enough.

Sure you went through it all and it was difficult but the question is.. is it God at play or is it your own decision that led you to that point of emptiness. But the silver lining to it all is … that every time we feel low, we have His promises to hold on to. We know that, irrespective of what brought on us the hardships and trials; we are conquerors and we don’t have to go through it alone.

I may be sounding too godly but I can’t seem to be more grateful at this point in my life. Although I am probably facing the mountains that seem so tall, I feel more confident than ever. Not because I feel I can climb them but because I feel that He will move those mountains or crush them when it’s time. I’ve relied of my own understanding and guidance of my friends and folks for way too long. I’ve read a hundred books about self improvement and how to take the right decisions but I never felt confident enough. I do now; not because of something I did but because of something I was made realised.

I need not be the most righteous person, I might not have words on certain when I sit and pray to Him. There are days when I can’t seem to fight my anxiety or tears and no matter how many times I concentrate on my breathing I feel choked or breathless. BUT. (Yes, there is a but) even on those days.. or moments of chaos.. when I sit and close my eyes. I feel comforted. I feel loved. I am reminded of the promise that He will not let me go through it alone. He has my name inscribed on the palm of His hands and that ‘me’ comes with all kinds of flaws and shortcoming and that’s okay with Him.

That’s it. You are loved. He loves you. 🙂

Say ‘no’ no more.

 

 

Hey it’s been a while since I last wrote.. actually it’s been a long time!

Know what got me to my laptop again? A friend of mine who recently said “You know you’ve been saying ‘no’ a lot lately.”

If I am being honest, I know she isn’t wrong. I am glad to have friends who are truthful and honest.

Anyway, that got me thinking about it for quite some time. I wondered what had changed and why. I know a few things have changed. The kind of changes I knew were ineludible and I was resentful for a long time, concerning them. But, is that all?

Ever since I have started following a different way of life and trying to be cautious and balanced.. somewhere down the road I’ve forgotten how to stay connected to myself. It took me a while to process that thought well and work towards practically changing it for the better.

Coming from an Indian family, it’s really not a surprise that my parents are now worried about me getting married and the whole drama that follows their emotional requests. Now, those kind of ‘nos’ are not what I am wanting to question or change. No, I am talking about the instant rejection to a thought or an idea that could be an opportunity for me to grow or just an effort that requires me to step out of my comfort zone.

I am unsure about how many blessings or opportunities I might have disregarded or overlooked because I was too busy focusing on fighting the one issue or change that I was constantly complaining about and avoiding. Maybe the problem was, I was focusing on dealing with the present(which seemed chaotic and confusing) that I forgot to heal myself the easier way, by just being open to things and possibilities. It surely helps.. not having a set of logical and pragmatic rules set for myself which creates confinement and isolation of some sort.

Be susceptible to things you’ve never tried before. Be proactive in stepping out of that comfort zone of yours and soften your heart to realise that there is a miracle coming your way. J

Oh ye little faith!

As this year comes to an end there are so many uncertainties along with a lot of closures and testimonies but the human nature is such that we are always worried about ‘what’s next?’
Be it something big or small we are always fearful of the unruly tryst with fate or destiny as one may believe.
There are times when we are so stuck in our own chaos and thoughts that we can’t seem to zone ourselves out of the worries and touch reality even for a bit. When nothing seems to be satisfying enough or assuring enough, I wonder what the ever powerful God must be thinking, looking down at us.

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“why do you worry, oh you little faith!”

We may not be able to see God or hear from Him directly but don’t run away from finding answers. Only when you face your fears will you find the answers that God is waiting for you to see.
While I was writing this piece I heard the faint music of the song being sung somewhere close by;

There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know.

 

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Dreams are called ‘dreams’ for a reason

 

179860-Never-Stop-DreamingWhen I was 10, I dreamt of having the best dress in my class. Standing 1st in something and getting a prize in front of my parents.  I was proud of my mother because i saw her give the prize in my own school to my classmates while I was always busy running around and chasing frogs. Yes, you read that right, but chasing frogs never kept me from chasing those dreams either. I never gave up on my dreams and I knew how to get what i wanted. I would pester 17 year olds in my bus and they’d come to my house after-school hours with complains to my mother that i annoy them in the bus or at school. Do you sense any sort of fear or concern in whatever I’ve just told you? I was not bothered. I was fearless. I was annoying, crazy, mad, and weird but I was living my life on my own terms and no one could change that.

When I turned 15 I dreamt of being driven around in a fancy car, of dating the cutest boy in the football team of my school. I got it all. I had my fun. I wasn’t satisfied though. I complained, whined and gave a tough time to my parents for papering me and saying ‘no’ whenever they did. I was lost in my own world. I created a space for myself in my own head which involved no one but me.

When i turned 20 i started believing in happily ever afters. One could hear me preach to the rest, things like, love can save the world and when it’s true love you just know it and so on.. thats annoying to hear i confess but I was on a high pedestal, which was kept over a firm foundation of ‘love’ but soon enough as we all know, it didn’t take even a week (although honestly a lot of ugly-crying at nights and break up songs) for that ‘foundation’ to vanish and *bam* the pedestal collapsed and i fell and suddenly i was a little scared.

Now I am 24 I dream. I stil do but not of fancy cars, a cutie to spend my evenings with or propagate ‘true love’ . i dream of finding the right career and having a comfortable life, maybe a few dogs, fancy wines and a random heart to heart with someone i meet over a coffee. I dream of going on vacations alone and exploring the unseen places, of entering a foreign land and for once not losng myself in it but still feeing at home.

We all have scars, we all get bruised and why shouldn’t we?  Don’t let your life swirl around the bad dreams, think of them just remaining a bad dream and move on. They are called dreams for a reason, right? The good dreams are the ones which needs to be held on to. Collect them in the beautiful jar of memory and catch new ones. But don’t ever stop dreaming.529facce19bdc6ff505f0fb1c3814dfb--quotes-for-hope-pin-up-quotes.jpg

 

Today I am alive.

Life has its own way of surprising you, doesn’t it? Just when you think it’s going great.. Hah! you’d be surprised. It works the other way as well. It’s so important to pay close attention to the little things in life. An incident or a situation could teach you a lot if only you allow yourself to be open to learning. Wisdom is not something you can acquire by reading a book or hearing people preach till you are willing to absorb those teaching or words and implement them in your life.

Words of wisdom are best understood when experienced and the only way to do that is by allowing yourself to learn through experience. We get habituated to certain things in life without realizing the value of it. Only once it’s gone, do we realise what exactly we had. But my point is, nothing in life is permanent. Heck! Even your LIFE isn’t permanent so nothing in it can be permanent either, right? So why not be fully be alive in this moment. I personally hate the feeling of not putting in my 100% into something I know I cherish.

It’s true that we can’t always have the energy to live each moment. Especially for a person in your 20’s you need to work hard but why is it that working hard has become your priority and enjoying life has taken a back seat? Don’t you miss the time when being happy and doing things that made you feel alive was your only agenda. Why is it that now planning a trip for the weekend takes months of clearing up the calendar where as planning a business trip and sealing the deal doesn’t take a day? Why has our priorities altered to this extent? Why is it that we don’t take the risk when it comes to making ourselves happy but we are willing to take the risk in our business to earn a little extra profit?

With age comes responsibilities, maybe not of your family when you are in your twenties but definitely of yourself. You feel responsible for yourself. For most of us this is the time we finally step out of our nests and start being our own person but give yourself a break every now and then. Don’t pressurize yourself; you can’t do it all today. I know you are trying your best and a few years down the line every effort of yours will show results, but today just live in the moment and do something nice for yourself. Pamper yourself and be content with your existence because at this very moment, you are alive.

“Today you are You,
that is truer than true.
There is no one alive
who is more you than You.”

Dr. Seuss

American Author and Cartoonist

This feels like the beginning of a new testimony

A lot has changed since the last time I wrote.  

“Be careful what you wish for” Is indeed very true. I had been praying relentlessly for something to change in my life, specifically the place where I lived. I wanted to move out of the house, as freedom seemed pretty luring to me. It is what pulled me out of the nest.

Little did I know about the things that come with freedom; responsibility, ownership and a whole lot of consciousness? Don’t get me wrong, I love the way it’s molding me into this person but at the same time it’s always a little tough to face the harshness of reality, especially when you are unprepared.

“Only once you lose it, do you miss it” that again is something I’ve learnt quite practically. I miss ‘breakfast in bed’ and waking up to my dog snuggling inside the blanket. I now miss having random conversations about the current world events with dad and those never asked for ‘words of wisdom’ from mom. Now my days are more like, waking up to my alarm at 6 in the morning, planning the day ahead of me while I have my black coffee (only because it’s super easy and quick to make) and   getting as many things done in the next 24 hours as I possibly can! Before i know it, the day has ended and I’m so drained that I just want to pass out on my bed.

I know it’s called growing up and one needs to start at some point. It’s not all that bad. I love the fact that I can make my own decisions and I am in control of what I want to deal with and what I don’t. I am thankful that I am no longer forced to be the ‘responsible one’ but this time it’s a choice I make! There are good days and bad but most of all I see God’s constant support and how He has led me every single days in the most loving way. This sure is the beginning of a testimony!

Love requires compromise, yes indeed!

Relationships are tough. One needs to be ready to compromise and at the same time put the other person before themselves.

As much as I’ve understood of what relationships really are like, I’ve come to realize that expectation is what kills a relationship. It’s normal to feel disappointed but you know the person who is disappointed isn’t always the victim. Some of you may know what it’s like to feel, just looking at the disappointed look on a person’s face, whom you care about. It’s torturous and harsh! It certainly doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or helps improve your self-esteem. It’s so important to keep in mind the other person’s feeling and compromise, not your happiness for the other person but compromise on those expectations you have of them because you need to realize you both are different. Isn’t your happiness, in some way, connected to your partner’s? So what good is going to come out of giving that up? You need to accept that they will, once in a while, not meet your expectations.

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I don’t think it’s right to give up on your dreams to support your partner’s. I don’t call that being selfish I call it keeping your separate identity and being practical. I wasn’t this practical, trust me I was a romantic head who was willing to give up anything for the person I loved (Once upon a time).

So I am sure some of you may not completely agree with me and that’s just fine! Why should the other person give up on their dreams to support yours? If you expect them to do that for you then I am sorry to say but you are being selfish.

Respect and trust are the two things your relationship should be laid on. Trust your partner to make the right decision, don’t impose your views if you think they are wrong, but advice and ultimately respect their decision. I am no relationship-guru but I have seen so many of them give up on their dreams just to be with the other person. Someday or the other it will cross your mind and god forbid if that thought turns into a regret, your relationship wouldn’t be the same again.

So I’ll conclude by saying, do whatever makes you happy but make sure it’s not a permanent decision for temporary happiness and no matter what your decision is, if there is ever a slight doubt about it, take your time and rethink. If its worth the compromise, it wouldn’t feel like one because trust me it’s harrowing to live with the regret.

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Okay enough of this!

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The battling emotions!

There are days when I am super excited and psyched about the numerous blessings I so undeservingly(That’s a word!) enjoy. It feels like nothing can pull me down or separate my oh-so-joyful feeling from my heart. Nothing seems to be a big deal at that moment. No inconvenience or personal issue troubles me as much as it would on a normal day.

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Then there are days when I hardly can pull myself together. Something as small as an old picture that I come across at least thrice a day usually, suddenly makes me so emotional on that one day and I can’t stop myself from crying. Now just to point out I am not bipolar. I am just ‘unpredictable’ or as a few pointed it out to me in the past ‘emotionally unstable’. I like to call it ‘pms-ing’ although I wouldn’t otherwise accept it.. EVER!

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I am not too sure about what it is that makes me feel so overwhelmed at times and what is it at times that makes me so calm and composed. Ever since my break down last night at something so trivial I have been wondering why is it that we can’t always just be happy and composed? There are a few I know who are always calm and unruffled. I’m the complete opposite of it, if you want to see that, get me started about ‘life’.

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So is it that the base emotion of a person is one and the temporary situations muddles with the surface behavior. So basically, behavior and nature of a person can be different at times due to the situations and the surrounding or their environment and by that logic we can’t judge a person by just meeting him a few times or by. A person who can ‘tame his mind’ can surely disagree but in reality how many of us have actually been able to do that? I’ll be lying if I said I have. Even though I don’t know if I want to tame my mind and restrict it from being sensitive to situations. Even now the thoughts battle within themselves in my mind.

Can things ever be good enough for them?

​Has it ever happened with you that you felt like you were making all the efforts for the other person but that other person didn’t even bother much because.. well.. he/she was too caught up in their own mess and issues that they forget to see the better picture.. which we are trying so hard to create for them?  

I guess you know by now where I’m heading with this. 

Today… I realised the importance of appreciating someone else’s efforts or their feelings… irrespective of how I am feeling or what I’m busy with. I cant ignore the person who is struggling to put up a smile on my face and be selfish and concerned only about my own self and feelings. I cant be so busy feeding my own depression that I forget to smile for someone whose happiness depends on it. 

This is not just the case with relationships like that of couples or friends..it happens with your parents or your kids or whoever. 

A lot of times parents forget that their kids are old enough to catch their vibes and can feel more deeply than they do about something. IHas it ever happened with you that you felt like you were making all the efforts for the other person but that other person didn’t even bother much because.. well.. he/she was too caught up in their own mess and issues that they forget to see the better picture.. which we are trying so hard to create for them?  

I guess you know by now where I’m heading with this. 

Today… I realised the importance of appreciating someone else’s efforts or their feelings… irrespective of how I am feeling or what I’m busy with. I cant ignore the person who is struggling to put up a smile on my face and be selfish and concerned only about my own self and feelings. 

This is not just the case with relationships like that of couples or friends..it happens with your parents or your kids or whoever. 

A lot if times parents forget that their kids are old enough to catch their vibes and can feel more deeply than they do about something. It’s easier for grown ups to handle their emotions and that keeps them from feeling things so strongly or being overwhelmed by them but it’s hard and close to impossible for kids to control the intensity of emotions they feel. Look outside your own problems. Look at the ones who are  trying so hard for your happiness.

 It’s like saying “ Dad look I caught you a butterfly! The most beautiful of them all!” and the dad replies “I’m sorry son I’m pretending to be blind”