Dreams are called ‘dreams’ for a reason

 

179860-Never-Stop-DreamingWhen I was 10, I dreamt of having the best dress in my class. Standing 1st in something and getting a prize in front of my parents.  I was proud of my mother because i saw her give the prize in my own school to my classmates while I was always busy running around and chasing frogs. Yes, you read that right, but chasing frogs never kept me from chasing those dreams either. I never gave up on my dreams and I knew how to get what i wanted. I would pester 17 year olds in my bus and they’d come to my house after-school hours with complains to my mother that i annoy them in the bus or at school. Do you sense any sort of fear or concern in whatever I’ve just told you? I was not bothered. I was fearless. I was annoying, crazy, mad, and weird but I was living my life on my own terms and no one could change that.

When I turned 15 I dreamt of being driven around in a fancy car, of dating the cutest boy in the football team of my school. I got it all. I had my fun. I wasn’t satisfied though. I complained, whined and gave a tough time to my parents for papering me and saying ‘no’ whenever they did. I was lost in my own world. I created a space for myself in my own head which involved no one but me.

When i turned 20 i started believing in happily ever afters. One could hear me preach to the rest, things like, love can save the world and when it’s true love you just know it and so on.. thats annoying to hear i confess but I was on a high pedestal, which was kept over a firm foundation of ‘love’ but soon enough as we all know, it didn’t take even a week (although honestly a lot of ugly-crying at nights and break up songs) for that ‘foundation’ to vanish and *bam* the pedestal collapsed and i fell and suddenly i was a little scared.

Now I am 24 I dream. I stil do but not of fancy cars, a cutie to spend my evenings with or propagate ‘true love’ . i dream of finding the right career and having a comfortable life, maybe a few dogs, fancy wines and a random heart to heart with someone i meet over a coffee. I dream of going on vacations alone and exploring the unseen places, of entering a foreign land and for once not losng myself in it but still feeing at home.

We all have scars, we all get bruised and why shouldn’t we?  Don’t let your life swirl around the bad dreams, think of them just remaining a bad dream and move on. They are called dreams for a reason, right? The good dreams are the ones which needs to be held on to. Collect them in the beautiful jar of memory and catch new ones. But don’t ever stop dreaming.529facce19bdc6ff505f0fb1c3814dfb--quotes-for-hope-pin-up-quotes.jpg

 

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Today I am alive.

Life has its own way of surprising you, doesn’t it? Just when you think it’s going great.. Hah! you’d be surprised. It works the other way as well. It’s so important to pay close attention to the little things in life. An incident or a situation could teach you a lot if only you allow yourself to be open to learning. Wisdom is not something you can acquire by reading a book or hearing people preach till you are willing to absorb those teaching or words and implement them in your life.

Words of wisdom are best understood when experienced and the only way to do that is by allowing yourself to learn through experience. We get habituated to certain things in life without realizing the value of it. Only once it’s gone, do we realise what exactly we had. But my point is, nothing in life is permanent. Heck! Even your LIFE isn’t permanent so nothing in it can be permanent either, right? So why not be fully be alive in this moment. I personally hate the feeling of not putting in my 100% into something I know I cherish.

It’s true that we can’t always have the energy to live each moment. Especially for a person in your 20’s you need to work hard but why is it that working hard has become your priority and enjoying life has taken a back seat? Don’t you miss the time when being happy and doing things that made you feel alive was your only agenda. Why is it that now planning a trip for the weekend takes months of clearing up the calendar where as planning a business trip and sealing the deal doesn’t take a day? Why has our priorities altered to this extent? Why is it that we don’t take the risk when it comes to making ourselves happy but we are willing to take the risk in our business to earn a little extra profit?

With age comes responsibilities, maybe not of your family when you are in your twenties but definitely of yourself. You feel responsible for yourself. For most of us this is the time we finally step out of our nests and start being our own person but give yourself a break every now and then. Don’t pressurize yourself; you can’t do it all today. I know you are trying your best and a few years down the line every effort of yours will show results, but today just live in the moment and do something nice for yourself. Pamper yourself and be content with your existence because at this very moment, you are alive.

“Today you are You,
that is truer than true.
There is no one alive
who is more you than You.”

Dr. Seuss

American Author and Cartoonist

This feels like the beginning of a new testimony

A lot has changed since the last time I wrote.  

“Be careful what you wish for” Is indeed very true. I had been praying relentlessly for something to change in my life, specifically the place where I lived. I wanted to move out of the house, as freedom seemed pretty luring to me. It is what pulled me out of the nest.

Little did I know about the things that come with freedom; responsibility, ownership and a whole lot of consciousness? Don’t get me wrong, I love the way it’s molding me into this person but at the same time it’s always a little tough to face the harshness of reality, especially when you are unprepared.

“Only once you lose it, do you miss it” that again is something I’ve learnt quite practically. I miss ‘breakfast in bed’ and waking up to my dog snuggling inside the blanket. I now miss having random conversations about the current world events with dad and those never asked for ‘words of wisdom’ from mom. Now my days are more like, waking up to my alarm at 6 in the morning, planning the day ahead of me while I have my black coffee (only because it’s super easy and quick to make) and   getting as many things done in the next 24 hours as I possibly can! Before i know it, the day has ended and I’m so drained that I just want to pass out on my bed.

I know it’s called growing up and one needs to start at some point. It’s not all that bad. I love the fact that I can make my own decisions and I am in control of what I want to deal with and what I don’t. I am thankful that I am no longer forced to be the ‘responsible one’ but this time it’s a choice I make! There are good days and bad but most of all I see God’s constant support and how He has led me every single days in the most loving way. This sure is the beginning of a testimony!

Love requires compromise, yes indeed!

Relationships are tough. One needs to be ready to compromise and at the same time put the other person before themselves.

As much as I’ve understood of what relationships really are like, I’ve come to realize that expectation is what kills a relationship. It’s normal to feel disappointed but you know the person who is disappointed isn’t always the victim. Some of you may know what it’s like to feel, just looking at the disappointed look on a person’s face, whom you care about. It’s torturous and harsh! It certainly doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or helps improve your self-esteem. It’s so important to keep in mind the other person’s feeling and compromise, not your happiness for the other person but compromise on those expectations you have of them because you need to realize you both are different. Isn’t your happiness, in some way, connected to your partner’s? So what good is going to come out of giving that up? You need to accept that they will, once in a while, not meet your expectations.

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I don’t think it’s right to give up on your dreams to support your partner’s. I don’t call that being selfish I call it keeping your separate identity and being practical. I wasn’t this practical, trust me I was a romantic head who was willing to give up anything for the person I loved (Once upon a time).

So I am sure some of you may not completely agree with me and that’s just fine! Why should the other person give up on their dreams to support yours? If you expect them to do that for you then I am sorry to say but you are being selfish.

Respect and trust are the two things your relationship should be laid on. Trust your partner to make the right decision, don’t impose your views if you think they are wrong, but advice and ultimately respect their decision. I am no relationship-guru but I have seen so many of them give up on their dreams just to be with the other person. Someday or the other it will cross your mind and god forbid if that thought turns into a regret, your relationship wouldn’t be the same again.

So I’ll conclude by saying, do whatever makes you happy but make sure it’s not a permanent decision for temporary happiness and no matter what your decision is, if there is ever a slight doubt about it, take your time and rethink. If its worth the compromise, it wouldn’t feel like one because trust me it’s harrowing to live with the regret.

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Okay enough of this!

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The battling emotions!

There are days when I am super excited and psyched about the numerous blessings I so undeservingly(That’s a word!) enjoy. It feels like nothing can pull me down or separate my oh-so-joyful feeling from my heart. Nothing seems to be a big deal at that moment. No inconvenience or personal issue troubles me as much as it would on a normal day.

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Then there are days when I hardly can pull myself together. Something as small as an old picture that I come across at least thrice a day usually, suddenly makes me so emotional on that one day and I can’t stop myself from crying. Now just to point out I am not bipolar. I am just ‘unpredictable’ or as a few pointed it out to me in the past ‘emotionally unstable’. I like to call it ‘pms-ing’ although I wouldn’t otherwise accept it.. EVER!

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I am not too sure about what it is that makes me feel so overwhelmed at times and what is it at times that makes me so calm and composed. Ever since my break down last night at something so trivial I have been wondering why is it that we can’t always just be happy and composed? There are a few I know who are always calm and unruffled. I’m the complete opposite of it, if you want to see that, get me started about ‘life’.

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So is it that the base emotion of a person is one and the temporary situations muddles with the surface behavior. So basically, behavior and nature of a person can be different at times due to the situations and the surrounding or their environment and by that logic we can’t judge a person by just meeting him a few times or by. A person who can ‘tame his mind’ can surely disagree but in reality how many of us have actually been able to do that? I’ll be lying if I said I have. Even though I don’t know if I want to tame my mind and restrict it from being sensitive to situations. Even now the thoughts battle within themselves in my mind.

Can things ever be good enough for them?

​Has it ever happened with you that you felt like you were making all the efforts for the other person but that other person didn’t even bother much because.. well.. he/she was too caught up in their own mess and issues that they forget to see the better picture.. which we are trying so hard to create for them?  

I guess you know by now where I’m heading with this. 

Today… I realised the importance of appreciating someone else’s efforts or their feelings… irrespective of how I am feeling or what I’m busy with. I cant ignore the person who is struggling to put up a smile on my face and be selfish and concerned only about my own self and feelings. I cant be so busy feeding my own depression that I forget to smile for someone whose happiness depends on it. 

This is not just the case with relationships like that of couples or friends..it happens with your parents or your kids or whoever. 

A lot of times parents forget that their kids are old enough to catch their vibes and can feel more deeply than they do about something. IHas it ever happened with you that you felt like you were making all the efforts for the other person but that other person didn’t even bother much because.. well.. he/she was too caught up in their own mess and issues that they forget to see the better picture.. which we are trying so hard to create for them?  

I guess you know by now where I’m heading with this. 

Today… I realised the importance of appreciating someone else’s efforts or their feelings… irrespective of how I am feeling or what I’m busy with. I cant ignore the person who is struggling to put up a smile on my face and be selfish and concerned only about my own self and feelings. 

This is not just the case with relationships like that of couples or friends..it happens with your parents or your kids or whoever. 

A lot if times parents forget that their kids are old enough to catch their vibes and can feel more deeply than they do about something. It’s easier for grown ups to handle their emotions and that keeps them from feeling things so strongly or being overwhelmed by them but it’s hard and close to impossible for kids to control the intensity of emotions they feel. Look outside your own problems. Look at the ones who are  trying so hard for your happiness.

 It’s like saying “ Dad look I caught you a butterfly! The most beautiful of them all!” and the dad replies “I’m sorry son I’m pretending to be blind”

Don’t compromise on life just to exist.

What kind of world is it that we live in?  Why have people accepted a certain way of living which harms their emotional wellbeing? There are so many questions unanswered and I can only wonder why.

Why is it that instead of trying to deal with a problem people start pondering about the problem and its negative effects and get so engulfed in it that they forget that they haven’t found the answer yet. Somehow they feel it’s better to be prepared for the negative than fight for the positive. One of the best example is a situation when we try to work at the wrong relationship knowing that it the problem itself, forgetting that the answer to the problem is not the same as accepting and settling with the problem.

Please stop accepting the negative and settling down with it because.. well.. “that’s life!” .. I beg to differ.

NO! Life isn’t about compromising and settling down? It is much more than that. It is about being happy and choosing love over hatred, uplifting others and choosing yourself! That is what we should do. That’s is what we were created to do. So go out and help someone in need or just hug someone you love and tell them that they are loved. Choose happiness. Choose love.

I want to be the change..

In this world of budding hatred, I want to be a blossomed flower spreading love.
Where people are put to shame and prosecuted for their faith, soul and identity; I want to ameliorate life and cradle hope for their future.
Where there are tears of sorrow and desolation I want to be that laugh which makes them forget what those tears were for.
For a downtrodden soul which has been broken too many times I want to be that hope which binds the broken dreams all over again and makes a completely revived masterpiece.
I want to give all my time to someone who has none. I want to be free from the bounds of the society.
I want to portray the real beauty where fictitious beauty is given more credibility.
I want to be the change in the lives of those who still hold fast to their hopelessness.
I want to restore the faith in humanity where it has been destroyed in the name of principles.
This is all I want and that’s all I need to be that change.

Happiness should only be real and not a surface emotion.

There are days when you wake up tired, depressed or lost.
Why does that happen? I know I’m not the only one. I know that we are supposed to turn it around. Recently I was having a conversation with mentor and she told me what I’m going to tell you.

“It’s okayto feel all those emotions and there is nothing wrong in feeling so, why the pressure of feeling happy, all the time?”

I’ve always been the kind of dwell on every thought that makes no sense because the kind of person I am.. I want to make sense out of everything. So whenever I can’t find any reason for a certain emotion I dig deeper. Being well aware of myself and my emotions are a major part of my personality.

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I was wondering why do we have this pressure of being happy at all time? Happiness should only be genuine and real. It shouldn’t be forced or faked. So if you’re feeling burdened or lost or sad.. feel it deeply and experience it. It’s healthy. Only when you feel it completely will you move on from that emotion and experience happiness or any other emotion. Don’t be burdened by your previous emotions. Feel them and move on. You don’t always always have to put up a brave front or a happy face, it’s humanly not possible. Don’t bottle them up or push it till a point where it all bursts out in a bad way. It’s unhealthy and damaging. Feel it, process it and let it pass. Cope with it and you’ll come out of it.

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A hot mess!

Once a person betrays you, what’s your first thought that comes to your head? “never trusting that person again!” now that’s what I’ve been debating in my head since quite sometime.
I know people make mistakes and it’s always healthy to forgive and not hold any grudges. Christianity teaches us the same thing, forgive others as your sins are also forgiven. So how do you find it in your heart to forgive someone who hurt you knowing the consequences.  To be honest it would seem a little deliberate. There comes a point when you can’t keep overlooking the mistakes of that person giving him the benefit of doubt that it wasn’t intentional. But when that becomes a pattern, what could be the conclusion then?
After logically thinking ( and then overthinking) and having a few sleepless nights I finally felt at peace with this thought.
One should always be conscious of the intentions of the other person.
You can’t always give the other person the benefit of doubt that it’s her insecurities  and it wasn’t  intentional. Because at some point it starts defining you.. and if you never bothered to change those things it will seep into your nature and then they no longer are just your insecurities acting up but that is just how you are.
One needs to be around people who teach them, uplifts them and grows them. Not drain them out.
Don’t let other people drag you into their mess when it’s not for you to be in. The one who creates the mess should be the one dealing with them as well.
A person who wants to be in a mess will continue being in it till they themselves are convinced to sort it out and set things straight. Otherwise from every mess they create, there will be more mess coming forth from it. It’s a never-ending process.

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